Eulogy to My Uncle Jim

Hello everyone, my name is Jack Bethel, and I am one of James’ nephews. Or as I’ve always called him “Uncle Jim”. I would like to start with thanking everyone for coming, especially on short notice and in this toasty weather.

So when I was asked to write the eulogy, I’m going to be completely honest, at first, I was pretty nervous. I mean, I’d never written anything this deep before. But then I started to think who it was about. My Uncle Jim. One of the funniest, wittiest most clever people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. No matter the situation, Jim would always have some witty remark right off the cuff. I mean hell, I’m sure this situation we’re in right now he’d have something clever to say. Because that’s the thing with Jim, no matter the hard time at hand, one thing that was never lost was that sense of humor.

Growing up, he was someone I was always excited to see. Jim would always be someone I could go to for anything. We’d talk about sports, girls, movies, being the only two lefties in the family, and everything in between. By all accounts, my Uncle Jim was the definition of the “cool uncle”. I think the rest of us 6 could attest to that.

Uncle Jim and I had a special connection due to both our love of sports. I was always excited to talk sports whether its high school, college, or pro, Jim and I could go on for hours sports talking. It was the easiest and best thing. Heck the reason I’m such a big Dallas Cowboys fan, is because of my Uncle Jim. If there was some Cowboys news, I’d know I’d be getting a call from Uncle Jim to discuss. Now maybe you could put in a good word with the Man upstairs, and finally get us another Cowboys super bowl.

But before all that, Jim was a great big brother to his sisters, Sue and Jeanne, and a great son and overall friend to be around. Jim would on occasion mess with his little sisters, as any big brother would, but he wasn’t going to let someone else do the same. I remember one story of when my mom, Sue, was about 5 years old, making her older brother Jim be about 11. Sue was playing in the sandbox when a neighborhood kid named Craig came over. Craig went on to shove Sue’s face into the ground giving her a mouthful of sand. Now, when Jim’s little sister came running inside crying, he asked what happened. Once he heard, he bolts out the door. Next, thing you know Jim’s got Craig hanging from his ankles smearing his head in dog poop. Sure, it’s an unusual punishment for an 11 year old to come up with off the cuff, but Craig never messed with Jim or his sisters ever again that’s for sure. That’s the thing, Jim loved his family so much and would never let anyone hurt them.

Jim went on to be the stud football player at Dowling Catholic, and that’s not just me pumping him up. He was by all accounts “the big man on campus”. It seemed even those from Valley had heard of Jim Stark. I remember playing football growing up and Jim was ecstatic when I went on to play football at Dowling Catholic, just like him. Now, I was by no means at all the big man on campus. I never got the chance to start a varsity game, as I shattered my kneecap before my senior year. I can vividly remember telling him that I wasn’t going to be able to play football anymore, expecting some sort of disappointment. It was just the opposite. He told me that’s okay and it’s not about the personal allocates but it’s a part of being something bigger. And Jim would still come and watch each game for me, as I’m sure me standing on the sideline with a clipboard in my hand made him proud. It’s sounds dumb but I know it did just that because Jim’s proudest title was “Uncle Jim”.

Jim had six nieces and nephews, Katie, Charlie, Mary, Claire, myself and Holly, and he had a special nickname for all of us. He would always shout that nickname with genuine joy as we walked through the door.

There’s Katie, or “Sweet Pea”.

Charlie was Chuck. Mary was Ahhmeem. Claire was Peanut. I was Jackie Boy. And Holly was HMB or HM.

I know he’s smiling down on all six of us right now so proud of the people we’ve become. He loved each and every one of us and never let us forget it.

One story from my sister Mary came when she was around 10 years old. As kids, our neighborhood would always do an Easter egg hunt and rent out a big Easter Bunny costume. As we were returning the costume, we stopped by our Uncle Jim’s house on Pleasant Street. Mary rang the doorbell with the bunny head on, and of course Jim answered and had some witty remarks. But being the comedian he was, he told Mary to go dance on the side of the street with that bunny head on. Now, Mary was a very timid person at this time- paired with Pleasant Street being a pretty lively road, this was no easy task. Yet, Jim convinced his shy 10-year-old niece to have some fun and show the passerby’s the Easter Bunny’s best dance moves. Now, Jim probably thought nothing of it besides having some fun with his family, but that moment really let Mary break out of her shell and become the woman she is today. Uncle Jim really did have a big impact on all of our lives.

Now speaking of Pleasant Street, I know 6 of us have some great memories in that house. Katie, Charlie, and Claire all grew up on Waterbury, meaning they were pretty close and within walking or biking distance. Charlie would tell me about stories of riding his bike over to his house to watch movies, play different games in the backyard, run around with his dog George, and just hang out and spend quality time with his cool Uncle Jim. One memory in particular for Chuck, came from his love for the Iowa Hawkeyes, or maybe more his distaste for the Iowa State Cyclones. Now whatever team was playing the Cyclones that week, Jim would paint Charlie and his friend’s faces that teams’ colors, to root against the clones. He loved that we all were being raised as Hawkeyes and made sure we knew who the “Good Guys” really were. Jim really was the best uncle a kid could ask for. He always took an interest in us and what was going on in our lives.

But that strong passion he had for sports was a thousand times more passionate for our lives and our happiness. When I told Jim that I was going to Iowa State, much like Mary and later on Holly as well, I again was thinking he would be disappointed. But yet again, just the opposite. I remember talking about it with him and him telling me he doesn’t care where I go, he wants me to be happy. He said if that means me being a Cyclone, he’d still be my biggest supporter. I remember looking at him thinking, “Wow, this is the coolest guy. He really does love us all so much.” I’m always going to have some Hawkeye in my blood because of him. He’ll never let us forget that.

Even after his death, Jim’s always looking to put a smile on our faces. A few months ago, Mary ordered two sweatshirts: one Iowa State and one Des Moines. Yet, as many are today, the order was heavily delayed. It finally arrived on Wednesday just hours after Jim had passed away. The box contained two sweatshirts, one Iowa State sweatshirt like she ordered, but the other sweatshirt was incorrectly shipped as an Iowa Hawkeyes sweatshirt. Engulfed in black and gold with a big smile face on the front, the ack of the sweatshirt read “Rooting for the good guys”. There’s not a doubt in my mind, that was the work of my Uncle Jim looking down smiling and laughing.

That’s the Uncle Jim we all love. That’s the Uncle Jim I know is looking down on us right now. Because as I was talking to my cousin Charlie, he said something that really brought it all together. He said that the best version of yourself is the one that’s in heaven. Now over the years, Jim had a disease. The disease of addiction. Depression and alcoholism are two illnesses that many people don’t recognize as a disease. Yet, mental illness is just as much a disease as any other physical illness. But that’s not who he was as a person. That’s not what made him the man we all loved. He’s finally free from all the struggle, and for that I am ecstatic for him.

My Uncle Jim taught me so much:

- He taught me how to laugh.

- He taught me how to find humor in the tough times.

- I learned to love people for their struggles.

- I learned that everyone, no matter how strong they have their own battles

- I learned that I have no reason to fear death, when we have an all loving God waiting for us to return home.

- I learned to search for the good in every hardship.

- I learned that no matter my choices, I am unconditionally loved by those around me — something I am so thankful for.

- I learned that no one is perfect, but those flaws do not define them.

- Jim taught me that no matter how alone you feel, God will always be there with me.

My hope in sharing all of this is that you are not alone. No matter how hard it may seem, please seek help when you need it. Life is much too hard to do it alone. Now even though Jim had struggles in his life, that humor — that infectious laugh, never wavered. That’s the Jim looking down on us today, surrounded by those pups of his — George, Bob, and Clark — smiling and happily waiting for us to see him again.

Uncle Jim, Chippy, I know I’ll see you again someday — hopefully by then we’ll be able to talk about some Cowboy Super Bowls or Hawkeye Rose Bowls — but until then I miss ya, I love ya but I’m at peace knowing you’re in a lot happier place. God Bless.